True Love Never Dies
by whitetrashbarbie
Summary: A year ago Edward left Bella with out even a good bye to save her from hurt. He lost his battle with himself and returns to New York City. Edward and Bella try to mend their relationship, because after all true love never dies
1. Chapter 1

**a/n I dont own Twilight or any of these characters **

I stared out the window of the town car, hopelessly searching for the color of her hair, her face, searching for her. I knew it would be much easier to look for her if I just got out of the damn car but I knew that it wouldn't be best. Our reunion had to be perfectly planned out. I spotted my brother Emmett emerging through the heavy oak doors that were connected to the ancient private school they , well me again now, that we attended. I knew that she wouldn't be far behind. Next I saw my sister Alice's emerge. Wherever Alice was Bella was never far behind. They had been best friends since they were toddlers. Their trio of friendship was completed with Rosalie, the strikingly beautiful blonde who exited the building next. I watched as walked up to Emmett and they linked their hands, they had been together basically since kindergarten, if anybody had a perfect romance it was them, but I though me and Bella were giving them a run for the money. We could of if I wasn't such a fuck up. Then there was Jasper he picked up Alice and spun her around, they also had the ideal romance, they knew each other inside out. Finally the object of my obsessive search emerged. She was as beautiful as in my dreams. Her hair though had changed, now it was black with bright red streaks on the top, but everything else the same. Bella took my breath away. She didn't look like her though. She looked like a typical upper east sider high class bitch at this moment. In her plaid skirt and sweater and hills. I watched as she joined the group of my brother and sister and the loves of their lives. It took every ounce of strength I had in my to not bolt out of the car and run to her, drop to my knees and beg for forgiveness. Her smile was dazzling. Then her and Alice and Rosalie were walking away heading towards another car. I turned around and looked out the back window, They got into the back of a black town car. I knew though that they wouldn't be riding with my brothers today. I had planned to surprise my family later that night, but when I found out that instead of the usual routine of them all riding together and saving our drivers from wasting their time. Apparently from what Wade, our driver had said, the girls had something planned without the boys, so I decided to surprise my brother and best friend a little early. I braced myself as they walked to the car. They were laughing at something and I wished desperately that I was in on the joke. They couldn't see me through the limo tint and I was grateful. I scooted all the way to the other side of the backseat. Suddenly the door opened and I watched as Emmett and Jasper entered the car, oblivious to me. They were still laughing, it sounded like music to my ears. I never realized that I missed them as much as I missed Bella, well almost.

"Yo Wade!" Emmett said and then it was like it was in slow motion as he turned to look at me "Oh my fucking god Edward when the fuck did you get back!" my brother screamed. Then I was encompassed in a big bear hug.

"Uhmm about an hour ago." I mumbled. He let go and smiled at me.

"So how long you here for man?" Jasper asked.

"For good!"

"Alright, the trio is back again!" Emmett yelled and fist pumped.

"Bella is not going to be happy about this or Alice, you know how they both hate surprises." Jasper chimed in.

"Don't tell them" I sighed, of course I knew that Bella wouldn't be happy and I didn't even know if she would even forgive me for what I did, but hearing it in words was hard to take.

"You got it bro, boy its gonna be drama tonight!"

"What do you mean?"

"Well your going to the bar with us tonight of course!" I knew there would be not arguing with Emmett when he set his mind to something it could never be changed. So much for my perfectly planned reunion.

**BPOV**

I sighed as I settled into the backseat of the town car. All I wanted to do was get home and get out of this ridiculous uniform, words could not describe how much I hated the damn thing.

"Where to girls?" Ron my driver asked.

"Home I have to get out this get up!" I said to him.

"Okie dokie Bells." He said and then turned around and faced the road.

"So we change then head to the shop?" Alice chimed in as she began typing on her iphone.

"Whatever floats your boat Al." I smiled at her. Sure she got on my nerves with her never ending energy and the ways she always thought she knew everything, but I couldn't picture life without her. Or the blonde headed goddess that was sitting on her other side. They were my rocks.

" I need to get my nails done, can we fit that in?" Rosalie asked as she inspected her nails.

"No! WE have appointments for that tomorrow" I was already in a bad mood and I really didn't want to spend my time sitting in a upscale salon getting my nails worked on.

"Fine, what are you going to do with your hair now Bells?" Rosalie asked. Rosalie loved to think up my next hair style because she wasn't brave enough to change hers.

" The same black it is now with purple and blonde highlights." Alice chimed in with out looking up from her phone.

"Sounds good. What do you think?" Rosalie asked knowing that I would like it.

"Whatever." I said casually. The car stopped and I climbed out of the car followed by the other too.

We waved to the doorman and entered our building. The nicest and most expensive on the Upper East side. Only the best for the future president of the United States and his family, well only his daughter now. We took the elevator up, dropping Rosalie off at her penthouse, then Alice and hers then finally mine, of course at the top of the building because it was after all an and Emmetts was below mine. I had stopped thinking of it as his home too, since he had left it last year. Rosalie and Jaspers right under theirs. Their apartments bigger than most houses in towns. I opened the double carved wooden doors and entered and headed straight to my room. It was way different the whole entire penthouse. The walls were painted black with purple swirls randomly on the wall. All my furniture was black and the bedding and cushions on my furniture was purple. Band posters covered the walls. I quickly stripped off my uniform and headed toward my walk in closet and pulled out a pair of black skinny jeans, a grey tank top and a black long cardigan. I quickly dressed and through on a pair of grey suede ankle boots that were flat. I went into my bathroom and took the blue headband with a bow on it out of my hair. I ruffled it with some hair spray where some random pieces were sticking up and out and all around, and applied some more black eye shadow and eyeliner. I heard voices enter my room and then my bathroom and saw Alice and Rosalie behind me from the mirror. They of course looked beautiful. I always looked plain next to them and I knew it. Alice was wearing a black mini dress with red and white plaid flannel over it unbuttoned, white tights with a pair of red stilettos. Her black short hair that reached the middle of her neck was spiked out in random sections and looked amazing. Rosalie was wearing a neon pink tight long shirt with a pair of dark denim skinny jeans with a pair of flats the same color, it was topped off with a white fedora. I turned around to face them.

"Come on slow ass, if we want to get to the shop and eat at the Ivy we need to hurry the fuck up. You know how Alice shops." Rosalie smiled at me.

"You guys would be fashion victims with out me!" Alice stuck her tongue out her Rosalie. I knew I would be, but Rosalie wouldn't be. No matter what she wore, she would be beautiful. I sighed. I was excited to go out tonight my favorite local band. Something tugged at my heard, but I refused to let it pull me into memories, because that was also _**his**_ favorite band. I shook my head swiftly to dispel the thought.

"You ok?" Alice asked, she never missed anything and that why I loved her. She knew that even though I enjoyed listening to Lydias Suicide, it always brought on a wave of sadness.

"Of course, just hungry so lets go." I said and headed out of the bathroom.

"We don't have to go you know." Rosalie chimed in. I stopped and sat on my bed. My cat Wednesday climbed onto my lap and absentmindedly pet her. She was a present from Edward and no matter how mad I was at him or how much she reminded me of him I could never get rid of her.

"Of Course I want to! I've waited six months for this fucking show, No way in hell are we missing this!"

"Oh come on you know we could get Garrett to play anytime we wanted too!" Alice chimed in as she sat chaise lounge.

"It doesn't matter were going tonight." I said stood up quickly and walked out my bedroom door.

_**EPOV**_

"So their going to the shop and then where?" I asked Emmett and Jasper who were busy lounging around in my families game room. Emmett was playing on his xbox and Jasper was strumming on a bass. The shop which was really Kate and Tanya's, which was a upscale vintage store which the girls loved. Especially since they Kate and Tanya were family friends of mine and they got great discounts. Now we were just waiting for the girls to call and we would go meet them at the bar. My favorite band Lydia's suicide was playing. They were also Bella's. It would be a good setting. They were the creators of our song True love never dies and hopefully they would play it. So we wouldn't get the reunion I planned but this would be sort of better. Besides this was her scene anyway and a planned chance meeting in Central park wasn't. I looked at the clock it was 7:00 and the doors to the bar which was owned by Jasper and Rosalie's parents opened at 8:00. How fucking long did it take to go shopping and eat? Just then I heard Emmett's phone ring. After a quick conversation with I assumed was Rosalie and was confirmed by the "I love you" at the end he stood. I stood too.

"You ready for this bro?"

"Yeah Alice might just kick your ass."

"I've been ready for this for a year." I said and turned and headed out of the room.

Angels and Demons was busy that night, of course though we didn't have to wait in the line we just waltzed right up to the door and were let in. We didn't need id's either. I knew that in not even five minutes I would be facing Bella and my raging sister and most likely a very rabid Rosalie. She was amazingly protective of Bella. We had grown up together and though we weren't as close as she was with the others she was still my friend. The bar was dark but lit by red lights. We headed for the stairs and up to the VIP section. What would I say to her? What would she say back? More importantly how would she act. I didn't have much time to plan what I was going to say because all of sudden I was knocked to the ground.

"What the hell you bastard you're here and you didn't fucking tell me!" I heard my sister musical voice.

"Surprise" I said.

"Hmph." She said as she stood up and I did to. " I should kick your ass right now, but I think someone else will."She said and hugged me again. I knew who that some one was. Actually there could be two, Rosalie or Bella. I had seen Rose kick a lot of peoples asses over the years and I knew she could do it even though I was a guy.

"Has she seen me yet?" I asked her knowing she would know I was talking about Bella.

"No shes in the bathroom. Edward this might not be a good idea."

"I know Alice. But I need too see her."

"You have a lot of explaining to do you know that right."

"I know." I said and kissed her forehead. Sure she could be annoying but I loved her more than the world. Even though she didn't always agree with me, she would always have my back.

"Has she figured it out yet?" I asked also knowing she would get my drift.

"I explained it, but you know she can be stubborn. She gets it in a sense, Edward you hurt more by leaving, even though you thought it would save her. A goodbye would of gone along way."

"I realize that now." I sighed.

" I know you do, that's why Im going to help you, without getting involved." I knew she was being sarcastic. Alice loved to get involved in things. She winked at me and began walking to a table that Emmett and Jasper were occupying.

"Aww man I thought for sure we were in for a fight!" Emmett sighed.

_**BPOV**_

I pushed my way out of the crowed bathroom. Luckily even though I was only eighteen I had seniority at this place over the fucking random fuck heads who only came for the shows and because celebrities frequented here. I even had it over them.

"Get the hell out of my way." I chided at some girl who looked even younger than me, even though she couldn't be. I watched as recognition passed over her face and she moved.

"In a bad mood?" Rose asked who was following me.

"Nope."

"Uhmm well you're about to be." What the hell was she talking about I turned around and saw that she was staring at our table. Then I saw the reason I would be put in a bad mood. Sitting there in all his amazing beautiful glory was Edward fucking Cullen. I let go of a breath that I didn't even know I was holding. What the hell was he was doing here? He had started a new life in California. A new life without me. Left without a goodbye, a clean break, well at least on his part. My break was jagged as cut glass and it kept fucking cutting me. I felt it now. I felt like my heart was being ripped out of my chest and my lungs were constricting. My heart and brain were fighting, an all out war was going on inside my body. My heart wanting to run at him through my arms around him and cry, my head was saying to walk away or go sit there and ignore him. Make him suffer for the pain he caused. My head one this round, in a way. I would not simply ignore him. My brain was racing over time and before I knew it I was heading straight for the table.

"Bella are you sure." Rose asked.

"Positive." I said without looking at her. I was on a mission now. Facing the love of my life, who left me to keep from hurting me. His plan backfiring because I was hurt, was he under a delusion that I didn't care about him that much, love him that much, that his leaving wouldn't hurt? I was going to go to the table and sit. Wait for him to address me and then what? I asked myself. I didn't know what. The first move was his. Really I had to admit this was an ideal setting for our reunion. Our favorite band playing, in the bar we had grown up. If he was planning on a reunion which I doubted it would have been something romantic probably in Central Park. He was a hopeless romantic. Was a hopeless romantic. Romantics wouldn't leave the ones they had swore their love too without even a goodbye. I reached the table and glanced around at my friends faces, the family that had been there for me. I studied their faces. All filled with wonder, and Alice's a little smug. Her planning face. What the hell was that little pixie planning. I slid into the booth, next to Edward. I felt the familiar thrill I used to feel when I was around him. When my heart still beat normal. The slightly dizzy butterflies in your stomach feeling. I had never really gotten used to it. It had been gone for almost a year and now it came back like an ocean wave hitting me.

"Hey boys." I said and pulled a cigarette out and lit it.

"Yo Bells have you noticed who is sitting next to you?" Emmett asked with a hint of a smile.

"Yep." I took a drag held it in and blew it out. I was fighting an urge to turn to him and look at him. Stare into his beautiful amber eyes.

"Hi." I heard his beautiful voice say next to me. That was waiting for, my will crumbled and I turned to face him. If this was a movie it would be in slow mo. But this wasn't a movie this was real life and I was now facing the man who had the power to break and mend my heart. I fought a smile that was threating to break my calm face.

"Hello, Edward." I heard the words slip through my lips. Then the band started playing. Our song, True love never dies. Just like in the movies. I knew in that instant that it was true, that real true love never did die, because it that moment love for the boy I was staring at was surging through my body.

**a/n please review**


	2. Prelude to an interesting night

**A/N I dont own twlight SM does. Review pretty please**

Her demeanor was cold. I knew it would be though, what else could I expect. Bella was the kind who didn't go by the norm. No matter how much I wished, I knew that she wouldn't just jump into my arms. This was going to be a battle, a battle I was prepared to fight

"Hello." Her voice filled my ears and I felt my heart swell. I stared into her deep brown eyes that were shiny, with tears? Maybe, though they had always been shiny. Unusually shiny, even though she believed them to be plain. The music suddenly broke my focus. Lydia's suicide was playing our song.

_I have fought it for years_

_Admitting it means Im weak and your in control._

_The beauty only you can possess makes me cry_

_Your in my dreams, your in my every fucking thought_

Did she still get the feeling that she used to when she heard this song? I had to admit this was a pretty worthy reunion, almost like in the movies. She would probably get a kick out of it, if was a normal circumstance. Yes it was tears in her eyes. I watched as one slid its way down her cheek. I wanted to reach and wipe it away.

_I could never go a day with out you_

_Though I will never utter the words_

_Your are the air I breathe_

_My only reason for being_

_You could walk a thousand miles away and I would follow_

_Swim across every ocean trek across the poles_

_True love never dies until the day we fall_

_Because baby without you Im nothing_

_Until the day we die, we will carry on_

_True love never dies_

"Bella." I whispered, I knew though that she could hear it over the loud music

"Edward…" She whispered and then in a flash she was up and pushing her way through the crowd and I was following. My love was hurting and it was fault. No matter what I did I was going to hurt her, even if we were together. I was true fuck up. I was the fucking definition.

_Living with out you would be like death_

_Even if your ghost was there to keep me company_

_Memories can only sustain for so long until you loose your mind._

_I've lost it all already but I cant loose you._

_Give it all up to have the prize_

_You are all I need._

_Oxygen takes a backseat to your being._

_You could walk a thousand miles away and I would follow_

_Swim across every ocean trek across the poles_

_True love never dies until the day we fall_

_Because baby without you Im nothing_

_Until the day we die, we will carry on_

_True love never dies_

Luckily I had a good view of her and I followed her as she raced down the stairs to the dance floor and finally to a dark corner by the office, where we had our first kiss.

"Why?"

"Why what love? Theres so many questions which one?"

"Why are you here, why didn't you tell anybody? Why in the hell do you think its okay for you to just walk in here and act like nothing happened?"

"If I was going to walk in here and act like nothing happened then I would do this." I said as I wrapped my arms around her and kissed her heard and she leaned into my chest and sobbed. " I am here because I couldn't stay away any longer. I didn't tell anybody because well then you would've known and you would of ran."

"I have no where to run. No where else is home, no where else am I surrounded by you."

_Don't leave me now_

_It wouldn't change a thing_

_Fires burning all around. Through them I will walk to prove._

_Don't break faith in me, because I'll never change._

_Love can be a fickle thing but this time its different._

_You could walk a thousand miles away and I would follow_

_Swim across every ocean trek across the poles_

_True love never dies until the day we fall_

_Because baby without you Im nothing_

_Until the day we die, we will carry on_

_True love never dies_

"You had it much worse than me, even though you were constantly in my head, none of our memories lived there."

"You think it was just memories that kept me here? Damn it Edward you just don't get it, but you probably never did since it was so easy to let me go and to believe I would let go." She looked up to me her eyes glistening. The pain I felt was unbearable. I had to tell her everything, well the best I could. "If you would ever go anywhere else it would be here." She said as she broke free of my arms and sat down against the wall her head in her hands. I slid down the wall next to her.

" I was hoping that you wouldn't, because I know our love is stronger than that. Do you want to know why I left?"

" I know why you fucking left! Alice explained it all. You left because you didn't want to hurt me. Well guess what, I still got hurt. Clean breaks aren't always the best

" I left because I was afraid that someday I would fucking hurt you, not just by leaving but by doing something worse."

"What could be worse than being without you?"

"Now… I don't know."

The song ended, and now I knew more than ever that the words were true. I would always be tied to her and she would always be tied to me.

_**BPOV**_

This was not what I wanted to be fucking doing. Sitting here on the ground sobbing and showing Edward that he was actually everything to me. I felt stupid and I felt weak and more than anything I felt love for the boy sitting next to me. He tried to hide them but I saw tears streaming down his face. Could it be that he also loved me as I love him? Was his torture possibly worse than mine, because there was nothing there to haunt him of me besides what was in his head? This was not how my day was supposed to turn out. I was supposed to be enjoying this night watching my favorite band, but with him here, it was so much better. That sounded sick because I was happy that he was here in person sitting next to me. Even though I was a wreck I was in his presence and that meant the world to me.

"I was trying to save you from me." He said without looking at me and staring at the floor. I knew he was talking about his depression. He always thought it would end up hurting me. Anything that hurt him did hurt me, but I would always be there didn't he know that?

"Your depression Edward was something I was .. Am .. willing to deal with. Do you really think that much of me that I would rather not be with you? Sure watching you hurt hurts me, but I would never let you sift through it alone. "I was and always will be by your side, even if were fucked up right now." I reached for his hand and grasped it tightly and he squeezed back.

"So where does that leave us?" I asked, dreading and welcoming his answer. My body was in a conflicted state I wasn't sure that my heart and mind would ever agree on anything ever again.

"That is up to you love."

"Don't think your forgiven, but your on your way. Don't Doubt that you have a long way to go and lot of explaining to do! But Friends."

"That is better than I deserve."

"Damn right it is!" I said as I stood up pulling him up with me.

"You have no idea how much I missed you love, I know you doubt that, but I promise I had good intentions."

"I might have an idea, you idiot your not the only one who hurts. " I said and lead the way back up to the VIP section. We returned to our friends and his family who were all shooting suspicious glances like daggers.

"Did you just forgive this asshole?" Rosalie asked.

"Nope." I said and took a drink of my beer. We were allowed to drink here as long as we didn't completely wasted and didn't cause problems.

"Well then?" Alice asked leaning towards us.

" It's complicated." Even though it really wasn't. I would forgive him for trying to save me even though his plan backfired. Our love was something that wasn't forgotten over time, it would never cease.

"Uh huh" Rosalie sighed and leaned against Emmett because she knew me well and knew that I would forgive him.

I woke up to the sound of my phone going off. All I wanted to do was sleep for five more minutes and then I would get ready, I also knew that Alice and Rose would be in about ten to pick me up. I picked my phone up off the bedside table and looked at the screen. It was my best guy friend besides Emmett and Jasper, Jacob Black. I touched the screen and brought it up to my ear.

"So I hear Edwardo is back" Jacob said, I could sense the anger in his voice, because he knew he would always be second to Edward.

"Yep."

"And I hear you were hanging out with him last night at Angels and Demons."

"Right again wanna go three for three what's your next question in this interrogation?" If I hung out with Edward it was none of his damn business, never had been and never will be.

"So you already forgave him didn't you?" He growled into the phone.

"Well you were doing well, but this time your wrong, thought you knew me better than that." I sighed and got up out my bed rubbed my eyes with my free hand. "Either way it has nothing to do with you."

"The hell it doesn't."

"Jacob shut up." I said and hung up the phone and heard laughter and turned to see Rose and Alice standing in my doorway doubled over.

"So what's his problem now?" Rose asked as she came and set on my bed.

"That I was hanging out with Edward last night."

"Ugh his jealousy is so annoying." Alice chimed in. "Are you ready." She asked.

"Yeah just let me get dressed"

"Okay meet us outside." She said and turned and left my room.

"Were still going out tonight right?" Rose asked as she stood.

"You know boys don't keep me from shows."

"Yes, but Edward does." She smiled and sauntered out of the room. I sighed, she was right and he wasn't really just a boy. I headed towards my closet and put on a pair of grey skinny jeans, a black and white striped long sleeve tee and pair of black shiny flats. I decided trying to anything with hair was pointless it was just going to get washed at the salon so I just left it down full of all the hairspray and smelling of smoke from last night. I grabbed my channel bag and headed out of my room. I was instantly surprised to my father, Charlie, standing in huge foyer. I was happy to see him, but not his publicist, Sue Clearwater, who was a total uptight bitch. I thought he was supposed to be in Washington D.C until Monday night building his political empire.

"Whoa hey dad, what are you doing back?" I asked as I moved in to give him a hug. Just like Edward no matter how many time he pushed me to the side, I would always forgive him.

"We finished up early so I decided to head home, where ya going Bells?" He said after letting me go.

"Me and the girls are going to go have a beauty day and tonight were going to Angels and Demons."

"Ohh well have fun then kid, I'll be here or I might go to the office."

"How about you do something about that god awful hair?" Sue asked. She hated everything about me, from the way I spoke to who my mother was. I suspected she was in love Charlie and that they were sleeping together. "It's not good for your father image." She chided.

"Sue, Fuck off." I said and headed out the door. "Love you dad." I said without looking back. I slammed the door shut and was facing Alice and Rosalie, they amazed me with their knack of popping up at places.

"Whoa go Bell's this is definitely not the weekend to piss you off." Alice said.

"That stupid bitch needs to learn that a good image for people is when they let their kids be who they are and not try to smother them." Rose said and headed off towards the elevator.

_**EPOV**_

I did not want to wake up this morning. I was actually angry with Emmett for waking me up, because I was dreaming of Bella. After Emmett basically begged me to get up so me and Jasper could join him looking for a anniversary present for Rose. I looked at the clock that was on my bedside table. It was 1:10 in the aftertoon. I was amazed with myself I had actually managed to sleep him, Bella had always said I was not a normal teenager for not possessing the talent of the ability to sleep past ten in the morning. I pulled myself into a sitting position and looked around my room. It had been left the way it was when I went to California to live with my aunt. My walls were painted dark blue, and they were covered with band posters. Emmett's room also looked the same, but it was painted a hunter green. This room was my sanctuary when I was at my worst. There were also traces of Bella around everywhere I glanced. From the pictures of just her and of her and me, on the dresser, on the nightstand. From the poem she wrote me that was still in a frame hanging on the wall. I got out of bed and took a quick shower. Once done, I threw on a pair of dark tight jeans with a black vneck tee with a pair scuffed boots. I ran my hair through my hair, where it looked perfectly messed up. Bella always loved it this way. By the time I reached the family room, Jasper and Emmett were raring to go, well more like Emmett was raring to go, Jasper was only along for the ride because Alice was off at the spa with Bella and Rose. I wished I was going to pick out a new gift for Bella, but she hated gifts, except for the homemade kind. The ride to Tiffany's slow, and full of course and Jasper and Emmett asking questions about Bella.

"So she forgave you?" Jasper asked.

"Not exactly."

"Come on Eddy you cant really blame her, but you two did seem pretty close by the end of the night."

We had spent the rest of the night sitting in the booth talking over things. Her decision was that all she could give me at this point was friendship, and I understood that. I knew her fear, that once again I was decide that she better off without me always dragging her down. Even though she was my savior. I thought of all the times she had sat there with me in one of my moods and told me I was worth something. I could see the hurt I was causing her as I self destructed. That was why I left in the first place to give her the chance to not be someone's savior. I knew though that I didn't have the strength in me to leave her ever again.

"Just talking." I shrugged remembering the close embrace we had shared at the end of the night and her reminder that to understand to not go all emo and have a pity party and that if I did she would be there, the best that she could.

"So what time is the show tonight?" I asked them trying to change the subject. Letters to the dead were playing tonight they had formed after I had left and this would be my first time hearing them. I knew though that some guy who played in the band was one of Jacob, Bella's friend who had hated me since we met, friend so that meant he would be there so the night was going to be interesting.

"Seven. The girls are going to meet us there." Of course they would they never missed a show.

"This band is pretty damn good, of course they aint got shit on Lydia's suicide but their good."

"Awesome." I knew though that tonight would not be awesome. With Jacob there and me and Bella it was not going to be pretty, I was sure Jacob would be ready to rip my balls off and feed them to me on a silver platter. He had always been in love with Bella she could just never see it and from what Alice had told me last night he had fought brilliantly for her over the last year but she held on to me like I was her lifeline and that option of being with him was always off for him. Even though I had hoped that she would give love with someone else another chance I had also hoped that she wouldn't. I knew it was selfish but I couldn't help myself. Even in my effort to be noble I never really was.

_**BPOV**_

Me and the girls entered my apartment, we had one hour left to get ready for the show so we had to hurry, an hour was never really enough for Rosalie who would never leave the house unless she was at perfection. When we passed through the huge dining room on the way to my room we weren't surprised to see Carlisle, Alice, Emmett and Edwards father, sitting at the table with Charlie. After all Carlisle was going to be the next Surgeon General just like Rosalie and Jaspers dad was going to be the next Secretary of State. That is if my dad got elected for the presidency but we all knew that was going to happen, he had the highest approval rating of any candidate of his party and was swiftly turning voters from their claimed parties.

"Hello my girls!" Carlisle greeted us. He had always been me and Rosalie's stand in father when ours was unavailable. "Wow Nice hair Bells and Alice, bright colors really suit you guys." He said as he gave me a hug and kissed me on the cheek. I had of course done what Rose had suggested and added purple and blonde highlights to top layer and a few purple peekaboo's of purple to the bottom layer, Alice had took my old style with the red highlights to her black hair.

"What are you girls doing tonight?" Charlie asked without looking up from the papers he was reading. His lack of concern didn't even bother me anymore, I was used to it. As long as I was presentable at the political things he needed me at, his concern was limited.

"Show at Angels and Demons." I said.

"The boys are going right?" Carlisle asked his concern for me made up for my dads lack. I also knew that he hated the way my dad handled things with me but he would never speak it.

"Yep." Alice said and grabbed my hand and dragged me to my room and I waved to them, well more to Carlisle my dad never once looked up. We took the whole hour to get ready, well more like Alice and Rosalie did. My hair was already styled from the salon. Highly teased and sticking out at random intervals at the top layer, and the rest which hang to the middle of my back hanging straight. I had Hannah my stylist cut many new choppy layers. So all I had to do was just touch up my make-up and change. I decided on a black mini skirt, a pair of white tights, a white tight long tshirt and a the same flats I was wore earlier. I also threw on a black and white long sleeve flannel to complete the look. I heard my phone bing signaling me to a new text. It was from Jake.

_Sorry about earlier, forgive me? Hope to see you tonight._ I sighed, I could understand where he was coming from, but it seriously wasn't his fucking business. What I decided to do with me and Edward's situation was only me and his business.

"Who was that?" Alice asked with a smile, I knew that she was hoping it was her brother. The only thing that could make her happier than Jasper, was me and Edward being back together.

"Jacob." I said simply and stared at my phone.

"And your going to forgive him, Bells you are so soft sometimes, you got to make people suffer for their mistakes sometimes." Rose said as she fluffed her hair. Rose was a true hard bitch. When Emmett made mistakes sometimes she would make him grovel for days. I also knew that she wasn't only talking about Jacob, she was referring to Edward. Though she had admitted that she understood where he was coming from, she also said that he had to realize that he had a mistake.

" I know Rose. Can we go now?" I asked as I headed out of my huge bathroom. I texted back Jacob. I needed to give him a warning that Edward be there and to tell him he better not start shit, because I was going to start taking Rose's advice.

_Forgiven, Of course I'll be there tonight but so will Edward and so help me Jake if you put one toe out of line._ I hit send. It was going to an interesting night, a very interesting night.


	3. Lost girl and boy

I pushed my way through the crowed that was gathering around the stage and blocking the stairs. Being rough with these fan girls was the only way to be. I pushed on extra hard and she gave a murderous stare but once again looks can kill and mine cause fear because of recognition, she immediately moved.

"Why the hell did daddy have to let these little brats in?" Rose asked as she gave one girl a death stare. Upon hearing that many of them scattered and a path was instantly cleared.

"Because it's business, an underage band is going to want to be seen by an underage crowd." Alice said as she raced up the stairs leading to VIP section.

"Yeah well they better not fuck with my alcohol consumption." Rose said as she followed Alice. Of course they wouldn't. Though we were branded with the same X on our hands as the other underage people were, we would be able to drink. It was just going to be a little bit harder. Aggie or Bart were just going to have be extra sneaky with getting our drinks, in example my bear was now in a coke can. I climbed up a few steps and glanced around the floor one more time looking for Jacob who wasn't allowed in the VIP because I didn't put his name on the list to get a gold band like the rest of us. His friend Embry Call was in the band, but I didn't see him, though I did see someone I did not want to see. Leah Clearwater, Sue's daughter who was bitch just like her mother. I turned abruptly and headed up the steps. I knew why she was here of course, her mother little minion, to make sure I didn't make a scene that would be bad for my father. I slid into the booth without looking and noticed quickly that once again I was stuck next to Edward. I pulled a cigarette out of my cropped leather jackets pocket and lit it.

"This shit is crazy!" I said and took a sip of my beer.

"I don't even think their that good, I mean they have potential but they just haven't discovered it." Jasper said but he was busy staring in Alice's eyes so he didn't look at us. It made me wish that Edward would just turn around and look at me like that, so I could know if this was real that he was really back, really sitting next to me, really loving me.

"Yep, you know how it is though, a guy from your school is in a band, it just makes them so cool, so then you have to follow all your little girlfriends and be obsessed with them also. I bet half those girls don't even appreciate what their doing up there." Edward said surprising me, but only a little, he had always been passionate about music, seeing it as the most amazing art form ever. I smiled at him even though I really didn't want to. I had decided earlier it would be worth some effort to punish him, but not that much where he didn't think I didn't love him anymore, I would never want that. It would be good for him though to not get me back so easily, to really feel the effect of what he did to me, so hopefully he wouldn't go all self sacrificing again. Of course though I had to accept that what he had tried to do _was_ in my best interest, at least in his mind. For me though it was the worst possible thing.

"BELLS!" the sound of my voice being screamed shook me out of my mental monologue. I glanced around quickly and saw Alice pointing down in front of me where my phone was going buzz crazy. I picked it up and unlocked it quickly to see I was just receiving a next text from Jake of course. I quickly opened it.

_OK miss big shot, where the hell are you ? You better not of flaked and not completely ditched me for Cullen. _

I stood up grabbing Edwards hand as I did and towed him with me to look over the railing down onto the main floor. That's when I saw Jacob, he wasn't looking up at us thankfully. He was surrounded by his friends Quil, Jared and Paul and Seth Clearwater, who was actually a pretty damn cool kid he must of got the good genes, and Leah standing with them a little bit awkwardly, this wasn't her scene and she knew it.

"What are you looking for Bells and did you have to almost break my hand?" Edward asked and I shot him a look of death. There was no possible way I could ever be strong enough to even possibly do a little bit of damage to him. Then I turned back down to the floor and he followed my gaze. "Oh." He said simply. Then I grabbed his hand and again and began to head for the stairs.

"Where we going love? I left my beer at the table can we stop and get it." I ignored him and kept towing. "Were not going to see Jacob are we Bella, you and I both know that wont go over well." I stopped and turned and looked at him with a devilish smile.

"That is exactly where we are going, and you two are going to play nice or suffer the consequences." I said and turned back around knowing he would follow, he would never disobey a wish of mine.

_**EPOV**_

Obviously Bella had never let go of her aspirations for me and Jake to get along, even though she knew it had no shot in hell to happen. I followed her down the stairs and watched as the crowd parted for us. Jacob Black was a person I understood, well only a little. I understood his desire to do anything to make Bella smile, but unlike me, his desire only went so far. His mouth was the thing that usually got him into trouble with her. He rarely ever though before he spoke or acted. He was very unaware of personal space and was very jealous. Of couse was I. I used to despise the kid for being something that could make her smile. Their relationship was a little different from the one she had with Emmett and Jasper. From the story I had heard, where they had failed to make Bella live again after I had left, Jake had helped Alice and Rose revive her. I also knew that had to leave a mark on the them and that frigthned me, because that meant if Jacob caused any fights and felt extra protective over her than normal, it was all because I was a fuck up. It was like tunnel vision as we approached him and his group. We came to halt, Bella squeezed my hand as if to reassure me.

"What the hell are you doing here?" Jacob shot. It seemed he had grown up the year I was gone, grown up a lot. His hair was no longer long it was cut very short and he wore it spiky, he was amazingly a little taller than me. I opened my mouth to answer but closed it when I realized I had nothing to say. What was I doing here anyway? Causing more pain for the person I loved more than myself?

"He is here with me!" I smiled down at her. She was always standing up for me to him.

"So your back for good huh, didn't leave things messed up enough, come back to cause some more pain?"

"Yes, I am back, but fucking up isnt in my plans Jacob, I fully prepared to grovel if that's what she wants." I sneered back at him. He always brought out the smart ass in me.

"Jacob shut the fuck up," then she turned to me, "You do have some groveling to do, you can start by atleast trying to make nice with Jacob!"

"No way in fucking hell am I making nice with that Fucktard! You shouldn't even be talking to him after what he did to you!" Jacob screamed at her. I instinctivily stepped in front of her. " Oh give it up I'm not going to hurt her, that's your job." I heard a sniffle from behind me then her voice. "Fuck you Jacob." Then she turned and fled.

"Seems your taking my old job." I said and turned and followed Bella. I followed her to our table which was vacant. The rest of them were probably at the bar throwing away lots of money to get 5 dollor beer. She grabbed her bag from under the table.

" I want to go home."

"I'll walk you."

"You better." She smiled at me, grabbed my hand and we headed out.

_**BPOV**_

The street was alive. That's how I liked it anyway, quiet towns were never the place for me. I needed adventure, I needed the noise, I needed the boy who lived in the apartment downstairs from me. I inhaled the sweet cold air in my lungs and fell into his marble body. He wrapped his arm around my shoulders and kissed my head. I missed this, but I wasn't going back to it, not yet.

"You should of listened to him." I heard him whisper.

"Cut the noble act, Edward. Jacob has no idea about us, okay."

"Us?"

"Whatever we are right now, whatever we will become."

" I see."

"Your not forgiven yet."

"I know. I missed this." I turned to look at his face, his eyes seemed distant as if they were rembering something far away which I was sure they were.

"What?" I asked, I wanted to know everything he missed, everything he thought and dreamed.

"The city, the upper east side bitches and the girls who refused to go by their rules and some how became Queens, and the lost girl that I left bleeding." I ducked my head into his shoulder trying to not cry. He was right. I was lost, once was found but then disappeared again. My heart was reviving itself though. With everystep I took with the amazingly beautiful boy next to me, I was learning how to breathe correctly again. He was lost too. I knew that he was just as lost as I was in the seperation.

" I missed my lost boy." I whispered. Because the truth was Edward was as lost as me, maybe even worse, which I never thought possible.


	4. the central park reunion well sorta

"Seriously Bella you could smile." Alice said to me as we walked down the glorious hallway for our class picture. If fucking Sue hadn't insisted that using this picture in one of my dad's promos I would have ditched today.

"Fuck this prep school bullshit." I said with a smile.

"That's our girl." Chimed in Rosalie, who was effectively walking beside us while looking at herself in a compact. I pushed open the double doors that led to a huge courtyard where bleachers had been set up.

"How the hell are they doing this anyway?"

"Better not be by last name." Rose answered, "Every slut in this school with an H last name looks horrendous. That's not good for my image."

"You would be standing by Jasper." I reminded her.

"Even worse."

"Hey! He's hot." Alice defended.

"And your blind." Rose countered. I laughed. I searched the courtyard looking for the boys, particularly Edward. Ever since he walked me home, we had been talking constantly, I didn't know what was going to happen yet, that was a subject I refused to open. I was to confused, and of course Jacob wasn't making things better. Luckily I didn't have to deal with him at school. The lucky bastard got to attend public school. I had only hung out with him once since that night at the bar, and talked to him a few times, we always seemed to argue over Edward. It was getting annoying, I was sick of defending Edwards's mistakes. I had explained to Jacob the whole twisted affair, the reasons, but of course he would never understand, he was Jacob, my hard headed, idiotic best guy friend. He had never loved with the intensity, Edward loved me with, that I loved Edward with. He would never know that in Edward's brain that his decision would equal my happiness. MY foolish Edward. Ugh I sounded sappy. Finally I spotted them entering the courtyard from the other side. He was beautiful with his hair all in array his shirt not tucked in and his tie loose.

EPOV

I spotted her instantly, in the sea of fake blonde and surgically altered faces, she stood out the most. Her look even more daring, paring her blue and red plaid skirt with a pair of red and blue striped tights with little skulls on them. Her multi colored hair screaming in protest.

"Why didn't we just ditch?" Jasper questioned.

"Because Bella couldn't ditch, so Alice and Rose wouldn't ditch and we couldn't ditch without them, because I don't want to feel Rose's wrath and you don't want to deal with Alice's and Edward wouldn't leave Bella alone" Emmet explained with a laugh. The only thing that boy was afraid of, was the only natural blonde in this whole fucked up school. I had to admire his truth. He was right, I would never make Bella suffer alone ever again, even something as simple as a class photo.

"Don't we get out of school when the shit is over?" Jasper asked.

"Yep, we still had to suffer the first of the day, and you know this is going take forever. I said as I walked up to Bella.

"Hey." I said with a smirk. She smiled back.

"Hey."

"So what are we doing after this? Drinks?" Emmet asked with a hopeful gleam in his eye.

"Shopping!" Alice said with a smile and Jasper and Emmet groaned.

"All right, everybody listen up, I want you to divide up into groups by height…." Headmaster Vardner began to ramble. Of course Bella would be a whole foot shorter than me, luckily though Alice was pretty close to her height. I kissed her forehead quickly and with a smirk I turned and headed away with Emmet and Jasper and Rose, who was lucky enough to be within our height range.

"So Edward, what's the deal?" She whispered to me.

"What are you talking about Rose?"

"With you and Bella idiot, you break her heart one more time, I swear I will break your face." She said with a smile and went and draped her arms around Emmet. I knew that her threat wasn't empty. Rosalie could be pretty barbaric when it came to Bella. She would defend the people she cared about with extremes.

BPOV

Of course me and Alice would get stuck standing next to Leah.

"Glad you didn't ditch." She sneered towards me.

"Or what you would run off and tell your mother?" I said with a smile.

She just humphed and walked away. Sue actually succeeded in controlling her, it was laughable.

" I would really love to knock that slut's head off." Alice said.

"All good things come with time." I said with laugh.

"Okay everybody stand still and look straight and smile." Vardner yelled and me and Alice did as we were told.

**EPOV**

"So where too?" Ron asked as we all piled into the limo.

" The zoo!" Alice yelled. We all looked at her and just smiled, knowing full well no matter that's where we would be going, because Alice always got her way.

"Why the zoo Alice?" Rosalie asked with a sigh.

"Because I want to see the zebra's duh." She said with a smile. I tried to remember the last time me and Bella had been to the zoo. I really couldn't.

"The last time was when we were 15." She whispered in my ear. I turned to see her smile.

"Well the a trip is well overdue."

"Yeah I believe it is." She said and leaned into me.

The zoo was actually quite fun, we had ditched everybody else were staring at the rhino's lumbering around in their exhibit when I felt her squeeze my hand.

"The last time I was here, I just stared at the mountain lions for hours." She said it solemly.

"Why?"

"Because they reminded me of you." I felt the pain wash over me. What had I done to Bella and more importantly what had I left behind? "They were your favorite animal."

"They still are."

"Ohh that's good, I was hoping that didn't change while you were in California." She said without looking at me.

"Nothing changed in California."

"So there were no other girls?"Then she looked into my eyes.

"There could never be another girl for me." I stated simply. It was the truth. Nobody could've caught my eye because I wasn't looking. The closet thing I had to a girl in California was Bella's memory. She never broke her gaze into my eyes. Finally she sighed obviously seeing that this was the truth.

"Well that's a relief she said turning quickly." I hurried to catch up with her.

"Were there any other guys when I was gone?" I hated to ask it, because I was afraid of the answer I would get, but it had burning at me since I had returned even when I was gone.

"There could never be another guy for me." She stated just as simply as I had. "Let's get out of here." She said and we exited the zoo and went directly to the Alice and Wonderland statue, that had always been her favorite. It was actually the statue that I had planned our great reunion at. She plopped down and I followed.

"Edward, your going to have to give me time." She said and looked down at the ground. I reached out and lifted up he chin.

" I will wait as long as it takes." I said and kissed her. She kissed me back with a ferocity that was unbelievable.

"The thing is, I don't know how long that's going to take." She said when we finished.

"Like I said, I will wait until you are ready to forgive me completely."

"Can you promise me something?"

"Anything."

"That you wont let this bring you down. Please I already feel bad enough."

"Never feel bad, this is all my fault."

"No, some of this has to be my fault!"

"But it's not. I was getting bad Bella and I didn't want it to bring you down, it was nothing you did. You have to understand that."

"But why couldn't you let me help you?"

"Because there was nothing you could do. Do you know where I went when I was in California?"

"Yes a mental hospital."

"That was the only place I could get the help I needed Bella. Even though I wanted you to save me, you couldn't, and don't think that there means there's a problem with you because there's not. I needed medical help."

"But I could of came and visited you!"

" I needed total isolation."

"You could of said good bye and explained it all."

" I thought it was best that I didn't, because I wanted you to have a clean break. I never planned on coming back, not because I didn't want to, don't ever think that, but because I never wanted to hurt you again. I see now that was the biggest mistake I ever made. I should of seen that I cant decide what is best for you, only you can do that."

"Glad you've learned that. Edward I was only hurting because you were hurting, I knew and know that your depression is going to put bumps in the road for us, but I'm willing to deal with that and help you through it the best that I can."

" I know love and I'm so very sorry." I said and wrapped her up in my arms and buried my face in her hair. " I love you Bella never forget that."

"I love you Edward, don't you ever forget that again." She whispered back.


	5. I would rather you be dead

**sadly SM owns Twilight. Review are always greatly appreciated :)**

Winter had taken over New York City. Even through my Jimmy Choo flat black leather boots, my designer white wool tights, corduroy black mini with my black and white striped sweater, and white pea coat and black sequined beret, I could still feel it. I shivered lightly and took a sip of my Starbucks. Rosalie was typing away on her phone, and Alice was flipping through Vogue. We were miserably bored and just sitting on the Met steps were not helping. I pulled my pack of cigarettes out of my purse and lit one hoping it might spread a little warmth. I was waiting for Jacob, he was supposed to pick me up a fucking hour ago, and Rose and Al were so graciously waiting with me, then they were going shopping.

"He's late." I turned to look at Rose who had finally looked up from her Iphone.

"Yeah well that's Jake." I said and looked back down at my boots. They were really pretty, well worth the price I had to admit.

"Did I hear someone say my name?" I looked up to see Jake standing there in just a plaid shirt, jeans and white converse all stars. Complete with his signature toothy smile.

"Just contemplating your time management skills." Rosalie said standing up. "See you late Bells." Alice stood blew me a kiss and followed Rosalie.

We ended up in a little diner. I was munching on fries and Jacob was busy inhaling a huge hamburger. He was tenser then usual and I could tell that he obviously wanted to talk about something. After he sat his burger down, I decided it was time to act. No since on dragging out what was probably a very verbal beating.

"What's with you and Edward?" He spat out. I didn't miss how his face got all twisted when he uttered his name. I sighed, seriously? This conversation was getting very old.

"We're working on things." I said simply. It was the truth.

"He doesn't deserve that."

" I know, but you don't understand Jacob."

"Well then explain it to me."

" I have explained it to you! A gazillion fucking times!"

"And that answer is bullshit, nobody is that self sacrificing."

"Well Edward is."

"God Damn it Bella, don't you get it. He's not good for you!"

"Well people always love things that aren't good for them, but Edward is good for me."

"Don't you remember what he did to you!"

"Crystal Clear, my memories are still good Jacob. He is making it up to me."

"Are you going to get back with him?" He said through clenched teeth.

"Eventually, yes." It was true, sometime after I had enough courage me and Edward would be together again.

"You would be better off dead."

"Excuse me?" Now I was really pissed, he had never taken the argument this far before.

"You heard me, I would rather you be dead then with him again."

I just stared at bewildered. Slowly I rose from my seat, grabbed my purse and with tears falling from my eyes left the diner.

I didn't know how long I had been laying on the damn bathroom floor. All my senses were dulled. I felt drained, well not completely drained. I knew how that felt. Almost drained yes that's what I was. I had no desire to pull myself up off the floor. I thought about all the germs that were probably lingering here. I wished I would just die. Why was God so cruel, seriously why did he have to pinpoint me to put through so much pain? Hopefully a spider would crawl across the floor and I would have a heart attack, it would be simple, hopefully painless. Then I heard his voice, the only thing that would be able to pull me out of my stupor.

"Bella why are you on the floor?" His musical voice asked. Why was he here? I was glad he was here, though he couldn't completely patch the hole that was forming in myself, he could cover it up somewhat. He had the power to make me forget, at least for the time being.

"I like laying on the floor."

"Since when?"

"Since now."

"Whats the matter Bella?"

"Nothing is the matter."

"Your such a bad liar Bella, when will you ever learn that?" He asked me. I heard footsteps, then there was a pair of feet in my vision.

"I don't want to talk about it."

"Okay then but will you please get up? Your worrying me." I hope he knew in that instant that this is how I was when he was gone off living his life in California. Though it was so much more worse.

" I just want to lay here thanks."

"Your scaring me, if Alice comes in here she will freak out on you."

"I've been through her freak outs they're nothing I cant handle."

"Is this my fault?" No this time it wasn't. I could hear the pain and worry in his voice. Now that I thought about it was kind of annoying that every time something was wrong with me, he assumed it was his fault. It was his nature though and I knew that.

"No."

"Whose?"

"Jacobs." Damn him and reverse psychology shit, how the hell had he got me to admit that? Why did my thoughts always spill out when he was around. Asshole. Why did I love him?

"What did he do, do I have to break his jaw."

"No but you can break mine."

"I would never do that."

"I wish you would, so I would stop talking."

"I love the sound of your voice, I would never let it stop." Ohh the sweet things he said, my senses were returning. I could smell his lovely scent. I was hearing his voice clearly now instead of the muffled noise it was in the beginning of the conversation. "What did he say or do?"

"He told me he would rather see me dead then back with you." I felt myself being pulled up off the floor. I was suddenly wrapped in his arms and sitting on his lap. Really romantic setting on the bathroom floor, my life should be a fucking movie.

"He didn't mean that."

"Yes he did."

"No love Im sure he didn't."

"It doesn't matter because were not together." I said and snuggled closer into his chest. Because that commitment scared me, I was afraid of being left alone. We were apart because I willed it, because this time I would be strong. My will was crumbling to dust. Tears began to fall. I wanted so badly to be able to call him mine. I knew though that he was though. I also knew that no matter what I was his, no person could change that, not even Jacob. I was afraid that once again he would get all self sacrificing again and decide I was better off without him.

"I know love." He wiped the tears away from my face. "Please don't cry."

"Im sorry."

" No need to apologize."

"Your right, no need." There was no need. Even though I was the one hesitating now, he was the one who had left me. He was the one who had put us in the predicament. He was the one who left me.

"Do you still want to go out tonight? I can tell the others your not coming."

"Will you stay with me." It was a bad decision, but there was no ones comfort that I wanted right now besides Edwards. He was the only person who could comfort me. This could be his chance to prove that what he had been saying since he had returned was true. That he was truly sorry and would do anything to make it up. He would miss our favorite bad play. I felt guilty, extremely guilty. It would prove something though.

" I will always stay with you." He whispered into my ear.


End file.
